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June 24, 2014

Hair High and Heels Higher

June 24, 2014

Be Kind Or Be Quiet

June 24, 2014
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I recently posted a picture to my personal FB wall, and accidentally started a firestorm.

A sweet picture of 12 adorable young girls became the center of a heated debate about cosmetics on children.

Here’s the thing I love about the world we live in: we all have different stories to tell. We all have different opinions. And we all have the right to have those opinions. I’m always open to hearing a different perspective – in fact, I recently wrote about how I celebrate our differences. You just have to keep the discussion respectful.

But here’s the thing I don’t love about the online world we live in: people sometimes forget what it takes to be a kind and decent human being and instead say things they may not be ‘brave’ enough to in person.

And maybe people leave some comments on a picture and insinuate that a person who would put makeup on their daughter for the stage is destroying her confidence and is an all around rotten parent because that parent is telling her that she’s not good enough without said makeup.

Here at Wild Ruffle, we don’t often write about controversial subjects. And even when we do, our readers have remained kind to one another, even when they don’t agree with what we have to say. This post left a bad taste in at least one reader’s mouth, and she took the time to tell us so on our FB wall. But she did it in a way that led to thoughtful discussion instead of lashing out.

I often tell my kids that they need to choose kindness. And I believe that it IS a choice.

As you read this, I’m at a national dance competition, and may very well be applying makeup to my young daughter’s face at this moment. You may feel it’s wrong for someone in theater or dance to wear cosmetics. And that’s fine with me – it’s a decision I’ve made for our family, and it might not be right for yours.

You’re welcome to tell me so, but only if you are kind. Because the beautiful thing about the online world is the power to hit delete.

We keep things positive around here. So if you can’t be kind, then you’re going to get cut.

easy summer sundressembroidered white sundresswhite summer sundress with embroiderygold strappy sandals and an oversized bagwhite summer sundress with embroidered necklineembroidered neckline detailwhite sundress for summer, embroidered detailing

dress – The Vintage Gypsy, shoes and bag – J Crew

Speaking of kindness, this sundress might just be the kindest of them all. It’s light and airy, breathable and comfortable, and LINED (why are so many white dress unlined??). I may just live in it this summer.

Linking with Pleated Poppy and Because Shanna Said So

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25 comments

  1. Well said. It’s crazy the things people will say when they don’t have to say it to your face! I’m sorry you had to deal with such negativity. On the bright side, I LOVE that dress so much. It’s the perfect summer dress!

  2. That dress is just the cutest Cate!
    I had to go back and find the photo, read through the comments {CRAZY!} and then read the woman’s link post which I thought was ridiculous. Dance is an art form….hello! And while I don’t know if I could handle competitive dance {for other reasons, mainly schedules!} I think it’s amazing as it keeps young girls motivated and out of other kinds of trouble which are all too real.
    You are a great mama. I hate that the woman who shall remain nameless tried to challenge that.

  3. Very well said. My husband had a bit if a hard time after I applied make-up to my oldest for her dance recital, so I completely understand the difference in opinion. However, it’s something we do ONLY for dance. It’s not like I send my five year old out on a daily basis in full hair and make-up. It’s dance, it’s art, it’s fun!
    Best of luck to your daughter on her competition. Those girls work hard!!

  4. It bothers me that people are so rude on social media sometimes – it’s like they are fearless because it’s online and not in person. I’m sorry there was so much negative energy around that post! I agree with you – be kind!

    And I too love that dress!

  5. Well said Cate! A little kindness goes a long way! And you are teaching your girls confidence in dance. It’s fun. It’s pretty. And I know your girls don’t go around everyday with 3″ of makeup on their faces. You rock mama Cate! :)

  6. Well said Cate!! I so appreciate your bravery and forwardness in addressing this! Way to celebrate the individuality in everyone and the freedom to all have different ideas and opinions! Respect is certainly the key here!! Rock on super mom!! And good luck to your beautiful girl in her dance competition this week!!

  7. I don’t do Facebook for that very reason. Way too much drama! My daughter is also a competitive dancer and she wears heavy stage makeup. Dance is an art and a sport. My husband figured that out a few years ago after watching our girl practice 20-30 hours a week and dance every weekend. The cool thing is that she has no desire to wear makeup outside of competition weekends- and she is a teenager. She does not need makeup, so I am pleased with her choice, However, she will choose to wear it someday and she is old enough to make that decision – with some help from mom. I have had people tell me that I am too old to wear leggings and other really mean things on my blog. I know that I am certainly no beauty queen but I dont need another woman to tell me that!! Geez! Real friends will lift you up and not judge you! Keep on my friend! Susan

  8. Love the combo of the dress and shoes – it’s the perfect summer look! I always hate when people make nasty comments too. Especially when it regarding children and they don’t even have any! So easy to judge others! Or, some mothers/parents want to feel superior – it makes no sense to me! Good luck to your daughter!!!

  9. Oh Cate! All I can say is I’m sorry. I am the Mom of a competitive dancer too. I’ve heard it all before. How can you allow your daughter to wear make-up? Why does she have to wear those costumes? Aren’t you worried it will lead to other things? My answer, NOPE:) These young girls work so hard at their craft and competitive dancing has helped shape my daughter into who she is. She’s a confident young girl because of her experiences dancing on stage. Yes, there is make-up but they are PERFORMING!! Keep your chin up and keep supporting the competitive dance world:) By the way, love your outfit too and being kind will always stamp out the nastiness!!
    Have a wonderful day!!

    Audrey
    http://www.audreysalutes.com

  10. I can’t say that I understand the whole dance thing & makeup- I have boys. But no matter my opinion you are right, being polite is the only way to be when we don’t identify with something or understand it. And more power to you for advocating for your girls and allowing them to grow and learn something new!
    Marie @ In Our Happy Place

  11. Visiting from the link up because your stunning dress caught my eye! I am loving everything white lately and this is no exception. I totally agree with your post. I think the internet makes us think we can say whatever we want, kind or not, since we are not face to face. It makes me sad.

    xo, Amy Ann
    The Real Arnolds

  12. I totally agree with you. What is that saying “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything.” Some people have not filters, they say what they want. I do agree it is much easier to say something nasty on the internet, than in person, as many would not.
    Now on to your dress. .. I love it! Love the white and the beautiful embroidery!! The comfort factor is a must with me too. The dress just says, “summer”. Love the cute sandals and the tan bag that looks very versatile
    from the link up, jess
    please stop by
    http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com

  13. Great post! I’ve had a few nasty comments on my blog – so delete, delete! I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, but there’s no reason to be rude, and I won’t put up with it either. Love that dress on you – absolutely perfect for summer! Hope the dance competition is going well.

  14. I’m sorry you had to deal with such unkind words. Sadly people think they can say whatever they want how ever they want when they are online.

    On another topic, your dress is so cute, so summery and fun loving – adorable.

  15. I read that FB post and the comments that followed initially and I loved that rather than turn it into a debate, you chose to focus on how we treat each other as human beings! Because, yes, we all have different opinions and are entitled to such but that doesn’t give us the right to offend, insult or be unkind. You handled the situation with grace and dignity both on your FB page and here on your blog. Well done Cate!

  16. I would say everything I wrote in my comment in person, Cate. I do not agree that sweet, innocent children should be made up to look like adult women. I am entitled to my opinion as are you. It’s funny that someone you’re friends with sent me this… They thought the picture was also taking the sweet innocence away from the children.

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